Customer Care in 2020 (funny)

Operator: Hello Pizza Hut!
Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?
Customer: Yeah! Hold on..... My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.
Customer: (Astronished) How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...
Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?
Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?
Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.
Customer: How do you know for sure?
Operator : You borrowed a book entitled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.
Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by! credit card?
Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.
Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?
Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.
Customer: What?
Operator : According to the details in system ,you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.
Customer: " ????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?
Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?
Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: (now pissed) ***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))
Operator: Better watch your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer: Faints...

Do you like my Blog?

HELLO......................  
  

Do you like my blog? …

                                       tell me......................

In case,  If u don't like my mails...   

please scroll down, 


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Remember scroll down only if u dont like my mail otherwise go back to ur work 

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then i want to say something 

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Antaava Antaava.... (Will you say....Will you say)

inkokasaari naa blog istam ledu ani antaava....
(once again will you say you don't like my blog....)

Conversation with Women (funny)

1. (Whatever)

Men: What should we have for dinner?

Women: Whatever..

Men: Why don't we have Mexican?

Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face

Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine

Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood

Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything

Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time

Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time

Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?

Women: Exercise on such a hot day?

Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink

Women: I am off caffeine

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: Anything

3. (You decide)

Men: Then do we just go home?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you

Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.

Men: OK; we will take a cab

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance

Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather

Women: I am hungry, can't walk.

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first?

Women: Whatever...

Men: What shall we eat?

Women: Anything..

4. (Anytime)

Men: At what time do i have to call you?

Women: Any time as u wish

Men: But last time when i call u in the morning u didn't pick up?

Women: I was sleeping.

Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?

Women: I was shopping with my mother

Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?

Women: I was tired and relaxing.

Men: Then what about 5 pm?

Women: I was watching a cartoon.

Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?

Women: I was studying

Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.

Women: Anytime.

America vs China

Once in a soap industry in America, the soap cover was mistakenly packed without a soap in it.

After much thinking to avoid the problem in future, Americans purchased an X-Ray machine of worth 60,000 dollars to check in the assembly line that whether soap is packed in the cover or not in.

Same problem occurred in Chinese industry. What did they do??
They simply put a pedestal fan beside the assembly line and the empty boxes were flown away!

By being a little practical, we can save a lot of time, money and efforts! 

Pakistani Maths Question Paper

Instructions:

i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.

ii)Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda group.

iii)AK-47's and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- ---

Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100

All questions are compulsory.

1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wives in his house.
Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve.


2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hasis, haroine and LHD s are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LHD he bought.


3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs.


4. Rauf has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta . If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Rauf's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi,Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai ,threatened in that particular month.


5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training.One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each, a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $.The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed. Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group.


6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i, where the notations have their usual meaning; Find out x.


7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.
Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80% .
Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general.


8) Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.


9) A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass . The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is measured with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to Kargil all the time during the flight.
Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ? What if the speed of the wind is k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane (with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases:

k=1, k1 and k<1.


10) Briefly discuss the Unsolved problem of "Bisection of a Triangle" with a Compass and an unmarked ruler if the triangle is named as KASHMIR.

Bajaj ' s new Cheapest Bike for Rs.10000 (like nano)..... !!!!!!!

It has been a major hit in the market and is largely responsible for changing the 'Two wheeler maket' 


It wil be introduced in Indian market in 1st Jan 2013 ... 

I hope everyone wil come to office by bike in few days.. 

Facilities are.. 

Available in following option :

a) Kick Start
b) Electric Start 

1. 250 CC Speed + we can increase speed by pedaling 
2. 24 hr Free Air Conditoner System 
3. Leg break System as like Disc break in Pulsar  (Ultimate one)
4. Without doubt it's going to win "Best Bike Of the Year 2012 " 


Engine Specification 
  

Engine	Air Cooled
Front Brakes	No Need
Rear Brakes	130mm Drum
Front Tyre	2.75 X 18
Rear Tyre	100/90 X 18
Wheelbase	1265mm
Ground Clearance	155mm
Dry Weight	50 Kg
Tank Capacity	No Need
Colours	Brown

It has a admire look.. 
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Engineer who designed the above Bike is…….. 
Bramhi.. Mechanical Engineer.. Engg graduate from IIT, Hyderabad.. 

Hilariously Creepy Valentine's Day Cards

As Valentine's Day quickly approaches, we are continuously inundated with ideas for sweet and sappy gifts and cards to express how much we love the people in our lives. Now, as much as that sentiment is endearing, it might be fun to switch things up a bit—at least that's what Hoxton-based art collective Hubbawelcome believes!

Approaching Valentine's day in a totally original fashion, Australian artist team Chris Mundy and Greg Lockhart has created a line of greeting cards that ultimately prove to be a bit confusing—perhaps even disturbing—in the overall expressions of love. The stalker-esque messages include things like "I love you so much I've got a picture of your face on the inside of my undies." Now this could be a funny message if it's just for fun, but it could also be a bit alarming if it proved to actually be true. These unique greeting cards are hilarious, twisted and definitely worth checking out!

HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED!

The Other side of Mount Rushmore

I am sure you have seen this photo before.

But have you ever wondered

What's on the other side !

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Amazing animation

Pls watch with maximum volume

PLZ DON’T MISS IT . WATCH FULLY.. SUPERB

Just click on the picture above, click on play, 

then leave the mouse alone , sit back and

enjoy a piece of creative brilliance.

Day Cycle of a S/W Engg ....??

{
{
Morning may start with meditation for first few days then perhaps this activity is given up as one don't feel to get up early morning. 

Brushing ! Yup an essential , but some people keep it optional. 
Shaving again an optional thing but many prefer doing that. 


A cool Bath : Oh God, Nahana padega ! Another optional activity. Many use deo instead. 

Choice of clothes is best from the available wardrobe. 

Full Speed se office. 



Thodi chai/coffee + Biscuit + Chips ho jaye 

Work starts with checking mails. Usually millions of FWDs and few personal friends. Only few ppl say that they get official mails (Fwds from mentors) 

Ok lets login to Yahoo / Msn / ........ all possible available messengers. Time for Conferences( Group / Individual). 
Parallely write code ( Replies to emails ) 

Ok enough , Let me start work. 

Sudden appearance of Boss/ Mentor. Damm ! why he has to talk to me  ! 

Bad luck ! sara Impression pani me behe gaya ! 

Sometimes frustration may result in damage to CPU /  MOUSE. Such events are rare but they may happen. 
Right  ? 

Chalta hai yaar dekh lunga jaab permanent ho jaunga , Now let me work 

Are , shayad mail Aaaya hai. Wow cool Fwd   Sahi yaar, Let me too fwd them to all. 

Yuppy ! Lunch   Khao kaho yummy 

Lunch ho gaya ! Thodi chai bhi ho jaye. Kya yaar , kash ye smoke detectors nahi hote to kitna aacha hota. 

Check mails. Why the hell people don't mail me. Or is POP3 Server down. Check settings. 

Yaar immediately kaun kaam shuru kare , let me chat. 
( Some popular Chat Topics : 
Tell other colleague/friends "I got lot of work yaar no time to chat" 
Gossips : GF / BF 
Plans for weekend movie/trip ) 

Ok whats new on net , any new utility/virus , any converter for free or if not free is a crack available. I must be updated to have a topic to speak at weekend in friends. 

Enough chatting and browsing , back to work. 

Baas ek cup aur. Aaj chai badiya hai ( Its always taste the same ) . 
Free Snacks , Yummy (after all free hai). 
Canteen me ek chakkar maar hi lete hai.

(  Chalo aaye hai toh ek match ho jaye TT Championship 2005 )       



Oops almost end of day Now let me work ( Create printout / photocopies of already available code & documents  smart ha !) 

Shit man , ye clock itni slow kyu hai.    If i go before time then impression will be bad and everyone will come to know the truth. 

Yes ! Ho gaya time jane ka. Hurray ! 

Make few important phone calls and few personal calls ( Muje kaunsa bill bharna hai ) "I am free" 


Day over                  Spend an hour out 
aab aa hi gaya huun to gym bhi chalte hai       
Ek se kya hoga, Let me try more (More weights more muscles)   


Have Dinner and   

} while( !  12  months over); 
return Permanent_Job; 
}

SALARY DAY IN DIFFERENT PLACES

Pls check the last location also

Russia

USA

UK

Australia

India

China

USA--Texas

Hong Kong

Pakistan

Afganistan

Kerala

Indian Hell........!!

Click on the Picture to Enlarge

Click on the Picture to Enlarge

Man's Life span-This is intresting !!

 God created the donkey 

and said to him. 
'You will be a donkey. 
You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. 
You will eat grass, 
You will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.'

The donkey answered: 
'I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years.'

God granted his wish. 

.................................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the dog 

and said to him: 
'You will guard the house of man. 
You will be his best Friend. 
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. ' 

The dog answered: 
'Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.' 

God granted his wish. 

.................................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the monkey 

and said to him: 
'You will be a monkey. 
You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. 
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.' 

The monkey answered: 
'To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years.' 

God granted his wish. 

.................................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally God created man ... 

and said to him: 
'You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. 
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.. 
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.' 

Man responded: 
'Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, 
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, 
the 15 years that the dog did not want and 
the 10 years the monkey refused.'

God granted man's wish 

.................................................................................................

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And since then, man lives 
20 years as a man , 

marries and spends 
30 years like a donkey, 
working and carrying all the burdens on his back. 

Then when his children are grown, 
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house 
and eating whatever is given to him, 

so that when he is old, 
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, 
going from house to house and from one son or 
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. 

That's Life. 

Is'nt it  ? Therefore utilise your years to do best.